Life is a strange thing. Thats part of the fun of things. Quite frequently when I'm bored, which tends to happen a good deal at work, I play a little game I call '5 years gone'. This is just a little self evaluation exercise I guess. The game basically works think back 5 years what were you doing? who were you then? what were your ambitions then? and finally what would that you from 5 years ago think of you?
So of these questions can be just a little sobering. I don't think there are a lot of us that are close to where we thought we would be five years ago. For example: I didn't think I would still be living in Sussex, or really Canada for that matter. I thought I would be a pastor in a church or at least working with a church plant. I thought I would be married (honestly though back then it was wishful thinking/ God shows grace in the coolest things). Depending on the week I though I would be in the middle of my masters work. And there were probably a few other things in there.
In all honesty other than getting married I am no where near where I thought I would be. Here's the thing though the only thing that was in that list that I really left in God's hands was the marriage; which by far is why it is so blessed I've never taken a hold of it, it is totally God's. Everything else though was my plan. FYI for anyone that doesn't know my plans tend to suck. They might be fun sometimes but in the end they are short lived.
The other thing is God's plan doesn't sense. Right now God is leading me on a path of poverty. Most of my friends would say this is an easy task, were poor college students/ post college people, we don't have money. No we might not but we have stuff. So I've been selling my stuff. It's weird because all this stuff I've been hoarding that I put such an attachment value to just feels like its taking up space. I'm filled with the conviction that I don't need stuff and this stuff has a monetary value that can go to some one else that needs it. Or how about the fact God has placed a clear call on my life to plant a church in SLC yet he is taking me to Africa soon (check out providencemonday.blogspot.com for more info) and then possibly Korea. In his omnipotence i'm sure God can read a map so I'm not sure why he's leading me the long route . And right now God has me working in a church with a youth group that I thought I had quit. But instead he has me being a servant doing what needs to be done, and honestly being more full filled than I was when I was being a pastor.
I don't understand a lot, but what little I do have know this God is in control. Or at least he is supposed to be. I don't think in a million years I would be able to figure out where it is exactly God will lead me the next five years. I don't know if want to know what happens to make that person, because as much as the joy excites me the pain scares me (even the little sample that we've had this year was heart breaking). Honestly I think I would have trouble recognizing that person, just as I have trouble remembering who it was I was five years ago. But God knows that person.
Like I said at the beginning life is weird. It doesn't always go where you want, but it can be some thing beautiful and rewarding when your done.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
I am now full swing into NaNoWriMo for my first time. Hopefully I will write a novel out of this. Though I am constantly wondering if I have enough for 50 pages let alone the 50,000 word goal. Because I saw some one else do this and thought it was kewl I will be posting one page a day in another blog. If you go to IamMonsterdaily.blogspot.com than you can read this as I write it. For those who read my blogs on facebook I will not be linking this blog (I think, it might just do that any ways despite my intentions). Anyways have fun reading.